The build finishes. Biscuit fetches. Your lunch stays warm.
A nine-pound wire-haired terrier sleeps eleven inches from your router. The pipeline goes green, he wakes up, trots the length of the hallway, and rings a brass handbell at roughly 72 decibels until a human appears. Average response time: 41 seconds. Fuel: one 4-gram oat biscuit per day. The 3:14 a.m. build is covered. Your laundry stays wet, your thumbs stay off the keyboard.
How it works
He sleeps by the router. The run goes green. He picks up the bell and walks it to wherever you are folding laundry. You hand over one biscuit. He goes back to sleep. That is the entire loop — no dashboard, no webhook, no YAML, and nothing to configure at 2 a.m. Installation is a cushion and a bowl of water.
What Biscuit Does
Alert-Only Training
Small breed, small appetite. Biscuit runs on one biscuit a day and negotiates nothing further. He waits by the router, hears the pipeline close, and rings the bell down the hallway until you surface. Coverage: all 1,440 minutes, including the 3:14 a.m. one. No app. No push notification. No thumbs. Starting at $29/month.
Luxury Cat Track
Cats welcome, priced accordingly. Velvet cushion, brass service bell, and a training window that opens whenever she feels like it. Median response time: three to five business naps. She has never once come when called and would like you to know that. She is also aware of what you paid. Starting at $59/month.
Agent Operator Tier
Top tier: Biscuit operates the agents himself — one paw on the cream mechanical keyboard, one on the brass trackball, no thumbs required. He does not read the diffs. He does not ask clarifying questions. He merged to main at 4:02 a.m. and we have chosen to trust him. Starting at $99/month.